“There are plenty of fish in the sea, you’ll find one that you like.” One? What if I want two? What if I want more than two? What if I want one but I want to keep exploring what the sea has to offer?”
Relationships are evolving beyond the traditional dynamic of monogamous relationships, adding another layer of complexity to an already complex concept. That is not to say that one relationship dynamic is better than the other. Quite the opposite actually. Just as there are different types of fish in the sea, there are different relationship styles per person. Learn more about polyamory and ethical non-monogamy.
Before discussing what relationship configuration is best for you, first let’s define some of them. Starting with monogamy or monogamous relationships. Monogamy is defined as the practice of being exclusively intimate with one person at a time. Monogamous relationships occur between two individuals who are only dating each other and have the potential of culminating in a legally recognized relationship (marriage). Pretty straight-forward no? Open relationships on the other hand are somewhat more complex to define. The reason for this is that open relationships have numerous configurations. A great majority of what we identify as open relationships fall within the umbrella term ethical Non-monogamous relationships. Ethical Non-Monogamy, also known as Consensual Non-Monogamy, is “a relationship structure where all involved parties consent to have multiple romantic or sexual relationships, with honesty and open communications.” Relationships within this category can look like, Swingers, Monogamish, Open Relationships, and Polyamorous Relationships. To learn more about each of these relationship dynamics you can read the following blog we previously posted on the topic, “What is the difference between Polyamory and Ethical Non-monogamy?”
Now to answer the question, “Open relationships vs Monogamous relationships: Which relationship style is right for me?” Short answer, whichever works best for you. If you were to eliminate external pressures telling you to accommodate to the societal status quo of monogamous or “traditional” relationships, the decision falls entirely on you. You get to decide what works for you, your emotional, physical, and spiritual (in the most general sense of the word) needs. The most important element is to be true to yourself and respectful of others.
As ethical non-monogamy becomes more and more common, monogamists might feel like monogamy is on the decline. For my hopeless romantics, specifically those interested in monogamy, I promise, MONOGAMY IS NOT DEAD! Sticking true to your values and communicating them will put you on the trajectory you want. You’ll find your person. Along the same train of thought, I implore you to not succumb to the influences of opening up your relationship merely to save it. Opening up your relationship can be a beautiful experience but it’s not for everyone and that’s ok. Oftentimes couples find themselves in a situation where one wants to open the relationship up but the other doesn’t. When on the same page, opening up a relationship to consensual non-monogamy dynamics can be an extraordinary way of spicing up a relationship or fomenting intimacy between partner(s). But if a relationship is lacking in trust, safety, communication, understanding, opening it up is not a solution. Especially If there is or ever was a history of infidelity, opening up the relationship will not heal those wounds. Your best shot if saving the relationship is the eternally feared couples counseling.
STEPS TO TAKE WHEN CONSIDERING THE OPTION OF OPENING UP YOUR RELATIONSHIP:
TALK: Talking about boundaries, expectations, and non-negotiables is a great way to start the “opening up” conversation. Also talking about consent to organize the rules of the openness in question.
LISTEN: Just as fundamental, listening to your partner(s) is of utmost importance. Listening in a non-judgemental way can allow space for validation and compromise.
BE… open to change, open to conversation, open to roadblocks, open to seeking aid in having these conversations.
If you’re seeking supportive mental health services, explore our LGBTQIA+ Friendly Medicaid Therapists Guide. At iAM Clinic, we understand the unique challenges faced by the LGBTQIA+ community, and this guide is designed to help you find inclusive therapists who provide compassionate and respectful care, all accessible through Medicaid.
Ready to navigate your relationship journey?
Whether you’re curious about open relationships or committed to monogamy, remember that the right choice is the one that aligns with your values and needs. Don’t hesitate to seek professional guidance if you’re unsure. Book a consultation with one of our relationship experts today to explore your options and find the relationship style that’s perfect for you. Your ideal love story awaits – take the first step now!
